“Life is just a chance to grow a soul.”
--A. Powell Davies
When I decided to go on the journey of starting my own
business, I had no idea it would be so hard.
All I knew is that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of other
people, I wanted the freedom to express myself through my work, and I wanted
the flexibility of being in business for myself. Being an entrepreneur has been filled with
ups and downs, tears and joy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It has been part of my purpose here on Earth,
and I have learned many lessons about life on this expedition. Please allow me to share with you words of
wisdom you may find helpful for your life.
Life is a Constant
Learning Process
When I started my business, I thought I knew a lot. I worked in business for over 20 years and
had a great deal of experience. I
couldn’t have been more wrong. The
knowledge I have absorbed over the last five years is incredible. I can’t even begin to count the number of
books and articles I have read. And it
doesn’t stop there. I will be learning
new ideas for as long as I am in business.
Life is no different.
There is always something to learn.
When we choose to be curious and intrigued with learning, we grow as
individuals. Learning keeps life
interesting, and keeps your mind stimulated.
Have you ever noticed how life keeps handing us the same lessons over
and over until we finally learn them?
My friend and I recently attended a three day intensive
seminar. After the seminar we were
discussing some of the highlights and our favorite takeaways. One thing my friend mentioned was that she
noticed quite a few contradictions throughout the three days. She said the trainers would say one thing and
then either do something else or say something that was the opposite of what
they had originally taught. To her, this
was a learning opportunity. She was
curious as to why she kept noticing so many contradictions. What was life trying to teach her about
contradictions? How was she
contradicting herself in her life?
What is life trying to teach you right now? What situations seem to be occurring again
and again?
Be a Student of
People
As an entrepreneur, you have to know your market. Who are your clients and what is important to
them? You have to understand what your
clients’ needs and desires are. Only
then can you truly serve your client. The
funny thing is that people are different.
I’m sure that doesn’t come as a surprise to you. Although most moms have common needs and
desires, moms are uniquely different.
And the only way for me to meet the needs of my clients is to listen
deeply to who they are and what they want.
Understanding the people in your life is no different. We all have family members, friends,
coworkers and other people in our lives, and each of them has their own
personality, needs, passions, style of communicating, and love language. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily
work for another. In order for you to
have the best relationship you can with the various people in your life, it’s
important to study who they are. How do
you need to communicate to each person to ensure your message is heard? In what way do you need to express your love
so they understand you? What makes them
happy or crabby? What are their triggers
and how can you avoid them?
Be willing to open your awareness and learn from the
mistakes you make with people. In any
given moment, we have the ability to be both a student and a teacher in every
relationship we have.
You Have to Stay
Connected to People
One of the easy habits to fall into when you are an
entrepreneur is hiding behind your desk away from the rest of the world. Especially if you have a work-at-home
business, it can get somewhat lonely if you don’t get out.
The same
thing happens to busy moms. Our family
becomes the center of our attention, and understandably so, but this doesn’t
mean we don’t need to stay connected to other important people in our lives. How often are you getting out and connecting
with your friends? About two months
ago, I was coaching a client on the topic of friendship. She was going
through what she called a "dry spell" with friends. She had a
deep desire for connection and relationship with women friends, but these women
friends did not seem to have the same priority. There are a lot of women
out there that long to have deeper connections in their lives. I know
because I talk to other women, and I am one of them as well. In a recent
survey I ran, 32% of moms said "My marriage is good, but I could use more
girlfriends", and 42% said "I feel like I need more positive
relationships in my life."
It’s fine
to stay busy with your family, just like it is okay to be busy with your
career. But making time to get out of
the house or out of the office to socialize is essential to your health. As human beings, we need to be in
relationship with other people so we don’t feel so isolated and alone in life.
Surround Yourself
with Positive People that Share Like Minds
Does it matter who you hang out with? You bet it does. Entrepreneurs like to hang out with other
entrepreneurs. Why? Because we are on the same path in life and
we can benefit from each other. You know
I am not the only “mom coach” in this world and most people would view other
“mom coaches” as my competition in the business world. I, however, view other mom coaches as my
potential friends. As a matter of fact,
the other day I spoke for over an hour on the phone with Carley Knobloch from
Mothercraft Coaching. Our conversation
was truly inspiring and uplifting as we shared the successes and trials of
having a coaching business centered on mothers.
I’m sure you’ve had the experience of hanging out with
someone that drains your energy, or just doesn’t seem to understand who you
are. On the other hand, you’ve probably
had the privilege of sharing company with someone you felt totally connected
to. When we surround ourselves with
positive people that share like minds with us, we create a synergistic
relationship. Synergy in our lives
enables us to work together to create something greater than what we could have
created on our own. If you don’t know
how to stay organized or deal with your latest parenting challenge, wouldn’t it
be nice to have synergy in your life?
You and all your like minded friends can creatively solve problems,
encourage one another, and fill each other with the renewed energy needed for
mothering.
Action is the Only
Way to Move Forward
I learned an interesting fact about sharks one time when I
was reading a book to my son. Most
sharks, can’t breathe if they are not swimming, and they can’t sleep for very
long, if at all, or they will sink. In
other words, sharks need to keep moving forward if they are going to
survive. I’m glad life is not so extreme
for us, but we can learn something valuable from sharks.
Taking action in our lives enables us to move forward on the
goals and dreams that are most important to us.
I’ve learned as a business owner that it’s great to have a lot of
creative ideas, but it doesn’t help grow my business if I don’t put them into
action. Any great dream requires forward
momentum. The people that have made the
most significant impact on our world are the movers and shakers; the people
that are willing to do something different to bring about change. So if you want to lose weight, have a
healthier marriage, or make more money, taking action is the only answer.
And sustained action requires discipline. If you don’t have the discipline to stick with
a task, a goal, an activity or change from beginning to end, then you will
never realize the fruits of your efforts.
A successful business requires discipline and so does a successful life.
You Need to Get Out
of Your Own Way
Nicole had dreams.
She wanted to be a successful business owner. She wanted to become financially independent,
and raise her two girls to be happy and healthy. Nicole wanted to write songs and use her
voice to express herself. And she wanted
to find a good man that she could settle down and build a family with. Every week we would meet to develop steps she
could take to help her reach her goals.
I encouraged her and helped her put together a plan to overcome the
obstacles that kept arising. Sometimes
Nicole would show up for our weekly meetings with some success stories to
share, but more often than not, we talked about why she couldn’t get the tasks
done she promised herself she would do.
After six months, she made very little progress towards her goals, and
she finally gave up.
Did Nicole lack the desire or ability to achieve her
goals? No, she truly wanted to achieve
her dreams and she was capable of following through, but she just couldn’t get
out of her own way. What I mean is that
she had internal blocks that needed to be removed before she could move
forward. We all encounter internal
blocks that stop us from moving forward.
Sometimes those blocks are temporary, and other times they are long
standing.
What I’ve learned while owning my own business is that I am
my own worst enemy. When I let fear and
negative mind chatter take over, I am going to be stuck. My energy will be blocked and the creative
ideas that I normally have are buried, nowhere to be found. There have been times I have sat at my
computer to write, only to sit and stare at the blank screen. The little voice inside me shares all kinds
of nonsense. You are not a writer. This is boring. You can’t engage a reader. You’re not creative enough. If I am feeding myself these messages, is it
any wonder that I get writer’s block?
Most of us, on a deep level, deal with self-doubt and
negative self-talk. We all have limiting
beliefs at times. We make assumptions
that may or may not be true. We wrestle
with negative emotions that drag us down.
Unfortunately, all this mind junk gets in the way of us experiencing all
that we are capable of being. Conquering
our minds is not an easy task, but it’s worth it to try. Think about what your life would be like if
you could let it all go and get out of your own way.
You Can’t Give Up on
Your Dreams
Starting and building a business is hard. There is no other way to say it. In the beginning, you wear all the hats
because you don’t have money to hire people.
You work hard and you receive very little for all your efforts. You try ideas that don’t work, and you get
discouraged. You worry about where the
next dollar is going to come from. Sometimes
you want to throw your hands up and give up.
You tell yourself it’s not worth it; things would be much easier if you
would just go work for someone else.
This is why so many businesses fail in the first five years. Entrepreneurs give up on their dreams.
You can’t give up on your dreams. You have to have persistence even when you
feel like you don’t have any steam left.
When I work with my clients, I am forever reminding them not to give
up. When you try and try and still fail,
it’s so easy to stop trying. But that
dream will still be inside of you. And
chances are, if you keep trying and learning and growing, you will eventually
succeed. Keep your eye on the prize,
whatever that may be, and be determined.
Don’t ever give up on what’s important to you.
Sometimes You Have to
Let Go
I know it seems contradictory to tell you to keep trying,
but to let go in the same breath. But it
works. I cannot tell you how many times
I have worked and tried so hard, only to be discouraged and ready to throw in
the towel. I surrender and walk away,
and amazing opportunities come my way.
It’s true we can try too hard. Sometimes
when we try so hard, we have a tendency to control, especially when things are
not going as planned.
Controlling and fighting blocks our energy. One of the main reasons individuals struggle
with losing weight is because they fight the process. Many overweight people don’t want to change
their eating habits. They don’t like to
exercise, and they fight inside themselves with what they want to do and what
they feel they should do. I can’t tell
you how many women say to me, “I have to lose weight or I have to
exercise.” My reply is always, “No you
don’t. You can stay at that
weight.” When you feel like you don’t
have a choice, your tendency is to fight and rebel. Give yourself the choice to stop trying and
you might find you want to do the very thing you were fighting. Or better yet, what you were working so hard
to achieve might just flow to you naturally.
Capitalize on Your
Strengths and Let Others Do the Rest
When you first start a business, you do everything because
you can’t afford to hire anyone to help you.
In the beginning, I taught myself how to design a website. I did my own homemade brochures and business
cards. I was the accountant, the coach,
the administrator, the marketing representative, the speaker, the salesperson,
the copywriter, the graphic designer, the writer, and anyone else I had to
be. Am I good at all these roles? I’m not bad, but most of these roles are not
my area of strength or passion.
Eventually, I got to a point where I could afford to hire other people
to do some of these tasks, and they did them much better than I could.
When you come to a place in your life when you can begin to
let go and admit your limits, you can then capitalize on your strengths and let
others do the same. There is a certain
level of freedom we experience when we focus on what we do best and stop trying
to master tasks we don’t naturally excel in.
Why fight against who you are at your core? To admit you are not naturally organized or
you lack structure is not an admission of failure, but rather a sign of
strength. It takes self-assurance to ask
for help in an area of challenge for you.
We are all gifted at different things, and life works much
better when we pull together as a team and take advantage of each individual’s
strengths. Let a housecleaner do what
she does best if you can’t find time to clean.
Allow your husband to step in and take over with the children if you
struggle to be patient. Hire a
professional organizer to help your organize your home if organization is not
one of your strong points. And don’t
feel guilty about it. I realize that
budget constraints can sometimes interfere with hiring help, but you can be
creative with how you get help. What do
you have to offer another individual in exchange for something they have? How might you trade tasks with another
co-worker so that each of you experience benefits? Focus on what you do well and life will be
much easier and more enjoyable for you.
Follow Your Heart and
Fulfillment Will Come
I became an entrepreneur because I decided to follow my
heart and honor my true self. Prior to
owning my own business, I worked in the business world for over 20 years. One of the things I was very good at was
identifying when I felt happy and when I was unhappy. Even though I was in a thinking world, I
stayed close to what my heart was trying to tell me. At times, I would try and think my way out of
a situation, and it rarely worked if my head and heart were disconnected. When I followed my heart and acted on its
promptings, personal fulfillment would come.
One of my clients, Denise, has been working for the same
company for 17 years. She has been
relatively happy at her job, but since she became a mom, three years ago, her
heart has been tugging at her. She has
not been satisfied with her job, but she is able to temporarily talk her heart
out of leaving. Denise’s mind can come
up with a hundred reasons why she should stay, but in the end, this nagging
feeling of being unfulfilled does not go away.
When I ask her what would make her happy, she cannot answer. It’s not that she doesn’t know the answer;
it’s just that her head clouds her judgment.
She analyzes her situation and tries to think her way to the right
answer. There is nothing wrong with
thinking, but sometimes we have to transcend our ego to find our true path in
life.
When you can tap into your heart and trust what it is
telling you, you are more likely to follow the path that is right for you. Some people would argue that you can’t trust
your feelings. I would argue that you
can’t always trust your mind either. Eva
Broch Pierrakos summarizes my point nicely, “When you feel and experience your
real self, you will not fear and consequently overemphasize your ego
faculties. Nor will you leave
unimportant underdeveloped ego faculties to slumber, untended.” In other words, when you have a healthy
balance between head and heart, your intuitive self will always point you in
the right direction.
There is no continuity or order to these life lessons. Rather, they are just important, but random
thoughts intended to cause you to reflect for a moment about how you might
apply these to your own life. You can
apply them to your career, your family or to your life. Or you can take the time to reflect on your
own life lessons you’ve learned over the years.
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