Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

But words will never hurt me.  I remember chanting this saying in middle school when I felt defenseless against all the cutting remarks made by thoughtless pre-teens.  I don’t know who made up that chant, but nothing could be further from the truth.  The other day while watching a powerful video clip called “Who You Are Makes a Difference”, I read some startling statistics.  Did you know that “the average child hears 432 negative statements per day to only 32 positive statements?”  And “80% of people are hurt by words.  Research shows that only about 20% of children and adults are able to handle put downs without emotional pain or psychological damage.”

Our words and tone of voice are powerful.  We can use them to build people up or tear people down.  Sometimes we don’t mean to hurt other people with our words.  I remember when I was a little girl, and my aunt and uncle were teasing me about something.  I must have reacted in a defensive way because I clearly remember four words they said to me.  “You are too sensitive.”  Isn’t it funny how four little words still play back in my mind over 30 years later?  Do you think my aunt and uncle thought they would have such an impact on me when they spoke those words?

At the same time, we can use our words to make a complete difference in a person’s life.  Some time back, I was reading a new book I had purchased.  I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that this book had been written, and so impressed with the author’s knowledge that I decided to write to her.  I researched her company online, found the contact form, and sent a heartfelt message of appreciation to the author.  I wasn’t sure the message would even reach the author.  To my surprise, the next day the author wrote to me.  She said “Thank you so much for your kind words.  You made my day today!”

This week pay attention to any negative or cutting words you or anyone else makes in the family.  Stop and require an apology and replace those words with three positive comments.  Even if someone cuts himself or herself down, the same rule applies.  Watch how your family is transformed.