Processing Life Changing Events

One of my clients just emailed me today.  She had just put in her resignation this week at a company she has worked at for 20 years.  We have been working on getting her to a place of resolution about this decision, and I think she was really hoping she would feel a sense of relief, hope and freedom with the final resignation. But instead she was still feeling some of the old feelings of fear, insecurity and doubt.

I emailed my courageous client back and reminded her that processing life changing events doesn't happen overnight.  I reassured her what she already knew - that she was making the right decision for herself and her family, and that she had everything that she needed inside herself to create whatever she needed and wanted for her future.

Whether we choose a life changing event for ourselves, or the event happens to us without our permission, we cannot expect to go through it without mixed emotions.  I will never forget the day my ex-husband walked out on our family.  I was in our bedroom when I heard the front door close, and I slid down the wall bursting in tears.  Within 10 minutes, I remember feeling liberated and happy to be free from the pain I was in as a result of our marriage.  These mixed emotions came and went for many months following the divorce.

Here are some tips you can use if you are going through a life changing event right now:

1. Welcome all the so called "negative" emotions associated with this event (anger, sadness, guilt, fear, worry, anxiety).  Allow yourself to feel those emotions in your heart. 
2. Welcome any desire to change, control or fix these emotions.  They are all normal and don't need to be fixed.
3. Welcome any notion that these emotions are personal or part of your identity.  Your emotions are not you.  They are just emotions.
4. Then let all these emotions go.  Repeat this releasing process whenever these emotions resurface.
5. Keep moving forward and do not let your emotions fool you into staying stuck.  Taking action keeps you moving.
6. Look for the gifts in the pain.  No life changing event, no matter how bad is may seem on the surface is without gifts.
7. Acknowledge the opportunity for growth that is available to you through the process of this life changing event.  You can take it and become a better person, or lose it and become a bitter person.  The choice is always yours.

 

Tips 1-4 were learned from a movie I watched called "Letting Go".