The other day my husband saw a kid about 8 or 9 years old with a cell phone. I was shocked, but I wasn't. This is a new generation of kids we are raising - a generation that feels entitled to the privileges in life. With all the techy gadgets available to young kids today and the "it's all about me" attitudes in schools, it's becoming more challenging for families to avoid the entitlement trap.
The entitlement trap, however, is not healthy for kids because when they get out into the real world on their own, they will be in for a rude awakening. Employers will expect them to work hard and serve the needs of the company. Keeping up with the Joneses costs money, and most young adults starting out don't have a lot of disposable income. Not to mention, a narcissistic approach to life doesn't normally fare well in relationships. So here are some ideas to practice at home to avoid falling into the entitlement trap with your children.
- Make sure your children understand the difference between a "right" and a "privilege". A cell phone, a television in their room, an Xbox 360 are all privileges. These things are not given to children automatically, but are luxuries that are earned through responsible behavior and hard work. A child has the "right" to clothing (not designer clothing), food, a place to sleep, and love. These are all basic necessities that children need, and should be entitled to. Children sometimes confuse "rights" and "privileges", and it's our job as parents to educate them.
- Help your children develop a strong work ethic. I am thankful my mother made me do chores, and my father put me to work at age 14 because today I am a hard worker. Get your children involved in chores from an early age. Make sure they understand that helping out around the house is expected of them because they belong to the family. Stress the value of doing a good job in school, and giving their best in whatever they do. No hard work and responsibility - no privileges. When they are legally able to work, encourage them to find a job. Pass on some financial responsibility to them so they learn to depend on themselves and not on you. You love your kids, but you don't want them living with you forever. (smiles)
- Develop a balanced character in your child - one that is able to take care of himself but also cares about the needs of others. It is okay if a child feels the frustration of not always getting her way. Being a part of a family, or being in relationship with each other requires each person to give and take. Help your child develop empathy so she can be sensitive to other people's feelings. Get your children involved in community service of some kind so they can experience the fulfillment that comes from meeting other people's needs. Make sure your children know you have needs too as a mom, and it is okay for you to take care of you.
Hi Jackie,
You could try sending her to her room and either asking her to write a letter of apology (misspelling words is okay) or ask her to write down 5 nice things to say to the person she hurt. Have her read her letter or list out loud. Do this consistently and see if things begin to change.
Lori
Posted by: Lori Radun | November 04, 2009 at 08:42 AM
3.Develop a balanced character in your child - one that is able to take care of himself but also cares about the needs of others. Help your child develop empathy so she can be sensitive to other people's feelings.
My comment is for #3 above........how do you suggest that we teach our children this. I have struggled for a year or so with the fact that my 6 year old daughter doesn't seem to worry about hurting other peoples feelings. She's "okay" with saying hurtful things and knowing that she has hurt my feelings. I've ALWAYS strived to make people happy (even when I was a little girl). I have a really hard time hurting anyone's feelings and I want my daughter to be the same way but I just can't think of any ways to teach her this.
Posted by: Jackie | November 04, 2009 at 08:37 AM