The Momnificent™ Blog

Laughter is Contagious

A very cool thing happened to my son Ian and me.  I was sitting on his playroom floor, helping him make a Lego house, while also browsing through the Simple Truths Holiday Gifts catalog.  I actually love their books and movies, and normally buy my private coaching clients one of their books every year.  As I turned the pages, I ran across a book called "Laughter is an Instant Vacation".  The sales caption read "You Need 12 Laughs a Day to Stay Healthy".  Wanting to be healthy, I looked at my son and belted out a make believe laugh and said "That's one!".  To be sure I met my 12 laughs a day, I laughed again and said "That's 2!".  By about the 3rd or 4th make believe laugh, the laughter became contagious.  My son and I were suddenly feeding off each other's real laughter.  The harder he laughed, the funnier it was to me, and the harder I laughed.  We were laughing so hard at absolutely nothing, except each other, that we had tears in our eyes.  Today, we are definitely healthy because we laughed more than 12 times!

Here is the Laughter is an Instant Vacation movie for you to enjoy!  

Now, this baby knows how to be healthy!  Make sure you laugh today!

How Do We Teach Children to be Respectful?

The short answer is "model it".  One of the values that we emphasize in Tae Kwon Do is "respect".  We're not just learning that children should respect adults, but that everyone should be respectful to all people.  When we walk into the dojang, we bow, shake hands and say "How are you sir?" to our master and to all fellow Tae Kwon Do family members.

Many of the parents that sign their children up for Tae Kwon Do are wanting their children to learn the value of respect.  Sometimes I look around and I see a mixture of kids - some kids that are very respectful and follow all the rules, and others that push the limits and treat others with disrespect. 

The other night I watched an older child making ugly faces and throat slashing gestures to my son while he wasn't looking.  Now my son is by no means perfect, and he too can act disrespectfully sometimes, but I began to wonder if there was some magical formula for teaching kids respect.

Unfortunately, it's a fairly deep issue and largely stems from how we treat our children.  According to Pam Leo from Connection Parenting, she says "children imitate parents, family members, friends, caregivers, teachers and television".    Yikes!  That's a lot of models our children see.  So, if we want our children to be more respectful, we must start with who they are imitating.

If this is true, and I believe it is, here are some quick tips you can use to begin making sure your children have positive models for respect:

1. Nix the attitude that we can misuse our authority with children because we are the parents.
2. Pay attention to the tone of voice you use when you speak to your children - is it respectful?
3. Watch how you speak to your spouse.
4. Refrain from belittling, demeaning, embarrassing or humilating your child.
5. Apologize to your child if you act disrespectfully.
6. Make sure your child is keeping company with respectful friends.
7. Watch the television shows your child is watching - how are the characters acting?
8. Choose the right caregivers for your children.
9. Take as many teaching moments as you can to talk to your child about respect.
10. Earn your child's respect - not demand it.

What do you do to help your children learn to be respectful?

Announcing the Winners of Zing Zang Zoom Circus Tickets

Two lucky families are going to see the opening night of Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey's Zing Zang Zoom circus!  A few weeks ago, Momnificent! ran a contest to give away four circus tickets to two lucky families in the Chicagoland area.  The contest ended last night and the two lucky winners have been selected:

Lucky Mom #1 - Karen Cryder

Lucky Mom #2 - Lisa Sobecki

Karen and Lisa receive four free tickets to see the circus at either of the two opening nights.  All other families can still receive the special discounted price of $11 each by using the code "MOM" when ordering tickets from Ticketmaster.

List of Circus Show Times and Locations

Lori Radun's The Momnificent! Life Among Best Books of 2009

USA Book News Amplifies an Inspirational Voice

by Heather McCutcheon


Lori Radun, beloved Mom Coach, inspirational speaker and now acclaimed author, is a prolific instrument of positive change. Her timeless and universal wisdom has been brought to the attention of women across the country thanks to the USA Book News’ 6^th Annual National “Best Books” Awards (NBBA). Radun’s first book, The Momnificent! Life — Healthy and Balanced Living for Busy Moms, has been named an Award-Winning Finalist in the parenting category by the premiere online magazine and review Web site for mainstream and independent publishing houses. The recognition stands to benefit families from coast to coast as Radun’s important and purposeful work gains momentum.

 

To date Radun’s influence has been primarily limited to the Chicagoland area, where she’s become something of a guru for moms trying to balance parenting, work, relationships, money, spirituality and life’s daily challenges with practicality and grace. In these times of turbulent change, Radun’s message has been a Godsend for many. To anyone in her actual or virtual circle of influence, she’s a source of constant support and positive perspective.

 

Radun has applied her creativity and vision to reach all moms, regardless of their budget or readiness for change, so no one is excluded. Those seeking ongoing inspiration and advice can access Radun’s blog, Facebook or Twitter accounts, and free Momnificent! newsletter via her Web site, www.momnificent.com. For those wanting more customized guidance, group and individual coaching sessions are available on the phone or in person. Radun established Momnificent! University for moms seeking structure in their growth process, and in the final months of 2009, the launch of the Momnificent! Mom Club will bring women together to navigate their shared challenges in a supportive community of like-minded moms.

 

USABookNews.com announced the winners and finalists of NBBA on October 20, 2009. Over 500 winners and finalists were announced in over 140 categories covering print and audio books. Awards were presented for titles published in 2009 and late 2008 from a wide array of publishers throughout the United States.

Momnificent! Weekly Tips and Quotes

Every week I give you a daily tip and quote on Facebook and Twitter.  In case you missed them, or you are not following me on Facebook or Twitter, here they are:

Momnificent! Tips of the Day

10/19 – Go out of your way to be kind to people you don't know this week. Make it a goal to make people smile.

10/20 – Work at ceasing multi-tasking.  Instead focus on one task at a time until it is completed.

10/21 - What are you doing to protect your health?  Think sleep, healthy eating, exercise, flu shot, vitamins, etc.

10/22 – When your child's anger or frustration flares, be the one in control and remain calm.

10/23 - Worry does not solve problems. Replace worry with seeking solutions, taking action and having faith.

Quotes from The Momnificent! Life

10/19 - "Responding instead of reacting gives you the space in your mind to generate solutions, pick the best one, and stay calm and centered under pressure".

10/20 - "We must recognize and manage our internal conflicts so we can experience peace of mind".

10/21 - "Watch your emotional barometer and keep the storms from clouding your life".

10/22 - "But I would argue with anyone who tries to say motherhood is not a profession."

10/23 – “Identifying your gifts and talents enables you to answer the question, “What will you do or who will you be to make a difference in the lives of other people?”

Ian's Cool Halloween Costume

Most of the time I am not very creative with Halloween costumes.  Wanting to come up with a creative idea for Ian this year, I followed the energy of his passion - exotic cars.  When I suggested to Ian that he should be an exotic car driver for Halloween, I had no idea how I would create that.  Of course he jumped on that idea and then I had to follow through.  That's when you become extremely thankful for artistic friends you have.  I knew I could pull off the suit and shades, but the car...that called for a true artist!  Big shout out to my friend Andy Reynolds who made a Ferrari 599 GTB for Ian.  This year Ian will be cruisin around the neighborhood in his Ferrari.  It's funny because we've been to a couple of Halloween parties already and although Ian is just a generic exotic car driver, it's been suggested he's James Bond or Bill Gates.

Remaining Calm When Your Child is Not

This morning, we had a brief but unhappy moment in our household.  As we were getting ready for our day, I realized I was supposed to be making lunch for Ian.  Normally, he takes the monthly hot lunch calendar and highlights the days he will eat hot lunch, based on what he likes.  Let me just add, there is not much he likes, whether it's hot lunch or cold lunch.

Well, today was a cold lunch, and as I began to think about what I would make him that he would eat, I became a bit discouraged.  So I took a quick glance at the hot lunch menu and saw that they were serving penne pasta and meatballs, with a breadstick.  Ian eats that at home, so I proceeded to tell him what was on the menu today.  I even showed him the box of penne pasta we had at home, so he could identify.  His reply is "No, I am not eating that".

If I had more food in my house to create a healthy lunch, I would have made him a cold lunch, but we didn't.  So I said to him "You can eat hot lunch today Ian."  Well, needless to say that did not make Ian very happy and he started throwing a fit, better defined as a temper tantrum.  I'm sure, as a mom, you've been there before, unless of course, you have an incredibly well-behaved child with a very laid back nature.

When our child's temper flares, it seems to cause our own blood pressure to rise.  So how do we remain calm when our child is not?  Here are some tips:

1.  Practice Detached Involvement.  During these times, it is crucial that we disengage emotionally from the situation.  We can still care without getting our emotions involved.  When a temper is flared, it is not the time to reason with the child.  In the heat of emotions, a child is not calm enough to hear you.

2.  Send your Child to a Calming Space.  Designate some area of your home as a calming space for your child.  For Ian, it is his room.  Calmly tell your child he needs to go to his calming space until he can settle down and get control of his emotions.

3.  Take a Few Moments to Breathe and Regroup.  While your child is calming down, you can take a few moments to regroup mentally.  Tap into your own fears as a parent, and put things in perspective.  Remind yourself that childhood is a time of learning - learning how to deal with frustrations is just one of many things that makes your child a "work in progress".  Try to see things from your child's perspective so you can later acknowledge and validate her feelings.

4.  Talk About the Situation after the Dust has Settled.  Don't miss the learning opportunity.  After your child is calm, make sure you take the time to acknowledge his frustration, and brainstorm ways to deal with similar situations in the future.  Explain your viewpoint, and remind your child that you love him.

Ian calmed down very quickly and later returned to eat his breakfast and get ready for school.  He left for school with only a snack, because today he is eating hot lunch.

The Momtrepreneur Maven Gets Down to Business

A long time ago, I responded to a media inquiry to promote my business.  That is when I first learned about Jill Salzman from The Momtrepreneur Maven.  If you are thinking about starting a business, or currently running a business, you definitely want to check out her website. 

Jill Salzman is The Momtrepreneur Maven. Jill started her career as an entrepreneur at the wise old age of 5 when she became CFO (Chief Five-Year Old) of her first lemonade stand. Since then, Jill has started up several of her own companies to much success and praise of buyers, clients and investors alike. After starting up several media companies, including the creation of two magazines and music media company Paperwork Media, Jill launched her biggest professional achievement to date: giving birth to a baby girl. Two months after her daughter was born, Jill started up the successful baby-based business, The Bumble Brand. The Bumble Brand’s success spawned several more successful baby-related ventures.

Throughout this busy and exciting time, Jill couldn’t help but notice that many fellow Moms had brilliant business ideas of their own–they just lacked the time and the help necessary to implement those ideas. With Jill’s honed business skills, she resolved to reach out and begin helping other Mommies realize their full entrepreneurial potential.

That is exactly what Jill did for me.  She interviewed me for her most recent crib sheet, where she features mom entrepreneurs wanting to spread the word about their business.

Check out the Momnificent! interview and learn some things about me that you probably didn't know.

Blended Family Discipline

Your kids have been through the separation of their parents…then a divorce…and now a new marriage that comes with a brand new blended family.  You wonder, shouldn’t I just give my kids a break and loosen up on my discipline?

 

Reasons for your discipline to remain the same:

• Your values haven’t changed and you should continue to teach your children the difference between right and wrong
• Boundaries and guidelines show your children that you love them
• Providing discipline actually gives the consistency and security your kids need in a time when a lot of things are changing around them

 

How do we handle our step kids?

You and your new spouse should discuss house rules and standards for your new home.  Discipline should be considered fair to both adults.  It’s important to respect the biological parent’s history of parenting, but still come to a mutual understanding of how all children will be treated and disciplined in your home.  It’s time for the two of you to discuss boundaries and guidelines for your kids and for your home.

 

All kids treated equally

All kids should be treated fairly and equally.  After you and your spouse create house rules such as:

• No eating in the living room
• No T.V. after 9pm on a school night
• Everyone helps clean up the kitchen after meals

These rules will apply to every child in your family.  Consequences can be different, based on age differences and developmental stage, but consequences still need to be equal and fair, whether it’s a biological child or step child.

 

Note:  it also helps if the adults follow the same rules. It’s hard to explain why Dad is eating in the living room, and no one else can!

 

Biological parent takes the lead

The biological parent should always take the lead, in front of the kids. The new stepparent should not be perceived as the “heavy,” or the one who enforces the rules.  Allow your spouse time to get to know his new step kids, and the biological parent can enforce the consequences of disobeying the family rules.

 

Be Consistent

If you make a rule, keep it, everyday. Don’t change the rules on the days you are tired, or the days your spouse is out of the house or out of town.

 

No secret alliances with your biological kids

If you change the rules when your spouse is not home, this causes your children to not respect their stepparent, and believe that the bond between you and them is stronger than the bond between the parents.  Your relationship with your spouse should take priority.  Keeping your relationship strong with your spouse provides a stable and consistent environment for your children.  This stability and consistency will create feelings of security for your children and move your blended family to a strong, successful united family.

 

Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master’s degree in Education.  She has a passion for helping blended families grow strong and be successful.  Visit our website for more help with your blended and step family issues.

Blended Family Advice

Momnificent! Weekly Tips and Quotes

Every week I give you a daily tip and quote on Facebook and Twitter.  In case you missed them, or you are not following me on Facebook or Twitter, here they are:

Momnificent! Tips of the Day

10/12 – Plan early, simplify and avoid holiday stress this year.

10/13 – Be aware of your perfectionism tendencies and how they are affecting your life.

10/14 – What are you tolerating in your life?  Consider stopping.

10/15 - Enjoy some simple pleasures today - hot chocolate, a child's laughter, a good book, or anything else that warms your heart.

10/16 – Forgive.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive others.  Forgive God.  Forgive.

Quotes from The Momnificent! Life

10/12 – “When we focus on what we like about our children, they will like themselves, and we will receive more of what we like”.

10/13 – “Telling the truth puts us on the road to acceptance – acceptance of ourselves and others”.

10/14 – “Two minds committed to the same goal are always better than one”.

10/15 – “Love is a matter of choice, and love is an action, not a feeling”.

10/16 – “Regular self-care will help you be a better mom, and without it, you will eventually reach burn out”.