How Do We Teach Children to be Respectful?

The short answer is "model it".  One of the values that we emphasize in Tae Kwon Do is "respect".  We're not just learning that children should respect adults, but that everyone should be respectful to all people.  When we walk into the dojang, we bow, shake hands and say "How are you sir?" to our master and to all fellow Tae Kwon Do family members.

Many of the parents that sign their children up for Tae Kwon Do are wanting their children to learn the value of respect.  Sometimes I look around and I see a mixture of kids - some kids that are very respectful and follow all the rules, and others that push the limits and treat others with disrespect. 

The other night I watched an older child making ugly faces and throat slashing gestures to my son while he wasn't looking.  Now my son is by no means perfect, and he too can act disrespectfully sometimes, but I began to wonder if there was some magical formula for teaching kids respect.

Unfortunately, it's a fairly deep issue and largely stems from how we treat our children.  According to Pam Leo from Connection Parenting, she says "children imitate parents, family members, friends, caregivers, teachers and television".    Yikes!  That's a lot of models our children see.  So, if we want our children to be more respectful, we must start with who they are imitating.

If this is true, and I believe it is, here are some quick tips you can use to begin making sure your children have positive models for respect:

1. Nix the attitude that we can misuse our authority with children because we are the parents.
2. Pay attention to the tone of voice you use when you speak to your children - is it respectful?
3. Watch how you speak to your spouse.
4. Refrain from belittling, demeaning, embarrassing or humilating your child.
5. Apologize to your child if you act disrespectfully.
6. Make sure your child is keeping company with respectful friends.
7. Watch the television shows your child is watching - how are the characters acting?
8. Choose the right caregivers for your children.
9. Take as many teaching moments as you can to talk to your child about respect.
10. Earn your child's respect - not demand it.

What do you do to help your children learn to be respectful?