Recently I volunteered to review a book by Dr. C.R. Partridge titled "Building Character Skills in the Out of Control Child". This book is completely changing the way I parent. The basic premise of the book is that often well-meaning and caring parents are raising children with immature character. As a society, in an attempt to compensate for the abusive corporal punishment that was once used in disciplining children, we have gone a bit too far in the other direction. As we've focused on not damaging self-esteem in our children, and creating a more loving environment for our kids, we are much too often giving our children too much, thus contributing to a society of children that are spoiled and immature. Dr. Partridge gives us a guide to use when evaluating the character of our children:
- Can your children move beyond blaming others and external circumstances when things go wrong, and instead accept full responsibility for their actions?
- Have they given up on being the center of attention, and are they able to develop a 50/50 give and take relationship with others?
- Are your children able to defer gratification and inhibit impulses?
- Can they accept frustration without "blowing up" or "falling apart"?
The inability to exhibit these character skills is typical of a 2 or 3 year old, but should not be the norm for children older than this. What I find very eye-opening about this book is that it is the very loving, flexible and caring parents that are struggling with children displaying immaturity.
On Saturday, I watched a couple struggle with their five or six year old girl at the roller rink. I'm not sure what set the girl off, but she was completely out of control. She was screaming, throwing a tantrum, yelling at her parents, and her parents were lovingly trying to bring her under control. They were threatening to make her leave, but they weren't following through on the threats. I admit. I was judging these parents, but no more so than I am judging my own parenting these days.
Building Character Skills in the Out of Control Child has taught me that my time to develop a mature child is limited. Once children reach the middle school and high school years, it is harder and harder to bring them under control. With Dr. Partridge's guidance, you can learn a no-nonsense style of parenting as well as techniques you can use to give your children the greatest opportunity for success as an adult.
Dr. Partridge does not advocate spanking, or otherwise I wouldn't support his style, but he recommends a firm and consistent approach for training children to be mature and loving individuals. Loaded with case examples, specific discipline techniques and instructions on working with your child's teacher, this book is an invaluable tool for moms. The earlier in your child's life that you read this book, the better.
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