Happy Mother's Day - The Importance of Taking Care of Oneself

By: Rajashree Choudhury

I’m a mom.

I am also a woman, a wife, a daughter and a friend.

I am wearing many hats and doing so is not always easy. 

Being a "great mom" sounds like a lot of work. You are already do so much and still do not feel as though you fit the profile. You think there must be more to being a "great mom." You must be missing one piece of the puzzle that will give you the glory of motherhood. But what is it?

Hopefully after reading this article, you will feel energized and recharged, and you may be surprised to find out you’ve been a "great mom" all the while. Obviously, a great mom loves her kids, takes care of their basic physical and emotional needs, and spends quality time with them.

But what are the subtler, less obvious ways to become a great mom?

1. Stay true to yourself You don’t have to give up your own passions and interests once you become a mom. It’s important you find time for what YOU love to do. Reading, writing, exercising, yoga – make these a priority and find a way to incorporate these into your routine. Easier said than done, I know, but you should at least aim to keep doing what you love, even if you don’t get to do it as often as before. If you take care of your own needs, you will be happier and will function better as a mom.

2. Don’t be a martyr. Need some time alone? Let the kids watch TV for an hour and go read a book. Feel like you haven’t had adult interaction in ages? Leave them with Dad for the evening and make plans to have dinner with a friend. Getting to the point where you are utterly exhausted is not good for you or the kids.

3. Don’t try to be perfect. This is true for life in general, and is a major personal goal of mine, regardless of motherhood. Striving for perfection is always a bad idea, because life is messy and unpredictable and full of surprises. Trying to create perfection, or to maintain complete control, is seldom possible and should not be your goal. Once you become a mom, life is messier and crazier than ever before, so it’s more important than ever to let go of that perfectionism. You need to accept that the house will sometimes be untidy, that once in a while dinner will be takeout, and that the kids will sometimes have to entertain themselves while you recharge and regroup.

4. Ditch the guilt. Guilt seems to be one of the most common side effects of motherhood. Once you make a decision, whether a major one like staying at home vs. going back to work, or a small one like allowing the kids to play a computer game while you have some time for yourself, try to avoid second-guessing yourself. You are doing the best that you can. No one is perfect, and you are not expected to be a perfect mom or to never make mistakes. As long as you love them and provide their basic needs, your kids will turn out fine – really.

5. Be Patient. Raising kids is hard work. Kids are noisy, messy and incredibly demanding. Yes, you will lose your patience once in a while. Motherhood has taught me to be more patient than I ever thought I could possibly be.

6. Listen to your children. REALLY listen. We tend to assume that we know more than our kids do, which is true to some extent of course, so we don’t really bother to listen. In addition, we often act as problem-solvers, dishing immediate advice, when all they need is for us to listen to them.

7. Be their mom, not their friend. Set limits. In a way, it was easy for previous generations. Parents were parents. Kids were kids. Families were patriarchal. Everyone listened to and obeyed the father. Now, families are democratic. We negotiate, talk things over, and listen to each other. We make important decisions together. This is great, but kids still need us to be their parents and set clear limits. We should listen to them and respect them – but we are not their peers.

8. Teach them simplicity. You will do them a big – a HUGE – favor, if you teach them at a young age to avoid associating happiness with the accumulation of material possessions. The younger they are, the more likely they are to listen to you, so start early.

9. Teach them self-esteem. High self-esteem is the single most important gift that a parent can give their kids. A person with a high self-esteem values herself and will not get into, or stay in, an abusive relationship. A person with high self-esteem is more likely to be happy and to reach her full potential. How do you teach your kids self-esteem? By showing them that you value them, by spending time with them, and by talking with them and listening to them.

10. Laugh and have fun! When you’re a mom, it’s easy to become so absorbed in the logistics of taking care of your kids – the “mom stuff” we deal with every day - that you forget to relax and have fun. But kids are fun. They give you a wonderful opportunity to be a child all over again, and to do things that you never thought you would do as an adult (jumping in puddles is so much fun!) and see the world through their innocent, curious eyes. Haven’t noticed interesting insects and colorful butterflies in several years? You are going to start noticing them again once you have kids.

How many hats are YOU wearing? Do you have any tips for doing it all and keeping your sanity? Do you ever feel guilty because you are not giving 100% to any single aspect of your life?

Please contact me at rajashree@bikramyoga.com to learn more about how to better juggle all the conflicting demands made on you.

 

Rajashree Choudhury is the wife of Bikram Choudhury, the founder of the world's "hottest" school of yoga.  Rajashree conducts seminars on yoga and personal development worldwide and is well-known for her highly-acclaimed pregnancy yoga class.  Look for Bikram Yoga Studios in your area.