The Momnificent™ Blog

Overcoming the Challenges of Being a Mompreneur or Work at Home Mom

Normally when I am working, which is typically from 8:30 AM to 4:00 PM (and whenever I can slip some time in), I go in my office and pretend I am not home.  That means I do not answer my home phone and I do not allow myself to be distracted by laundry, Christmas presents or any other bright shiny object.  Yesterday, however, I must have needed a distraction because I chose to answer the telephone.

It was my mom.  She said to me "I wasn't expecting you to answer the phone, but I'm glad you did because I would have been mad if you were home and you didn't answer the phone."  Thankfully, I didn't react to that comment, and I chose not to even respond either.  It can be challenging being a mompreneur.  Sometimes people think because we work from home, we can just stop whatever we are doing and tend to the "home" needs.  A testimony to the truth of this is illustrated by my friend's dilemma.  She told me the other day she literally has to get in her car and drive down the block to make phone calls without interruption.  And as I write this blog post, I am interrupted by my husband's voice.  "Hey hon, where are those boxes you said we had to wrap gifts?"  As I stop what I am doing to show my husband the boxes, I am reminded of Brian Tracy's quote:

"By concentrating single mindedly on your most important task, you can reduce the time required to complete it by 50% or more.  It has been estimated that the tendency to start and stop a task, to pick it up, put it down and come back to it can increase the time necessary to complete the task by as much as 500%."

As mompreneurs, we do have the luxury of flexibility, but without some set of healthy boundaries, we will find ourselves far less productive than we desire.  Here are 10 boundaries that may help you separate home from work.

1. Decide up front what your working hours will be for the day, and do your best to stick to them.
2. If you have an unusually busy day, make sure childcare options are lined up, and don't feel guilty about needing help.
3. Have a plan at the beginning of your day what you will be working on, and avoid going off on a tangent.  This will increase your focus.
4. Make it very clear to your family and friends what your working hours are, and ask them to talk with you after work.
5. Have a designated office in your home, with a door.  Close the door and utilize a "Do not Disturb" sign when you cannot be interrupted.
6. Work on your self-discipline so you aren't distracted by things that pull you away from the task at hand - laundry, email, home phone calls, dishes, dad struggling to manage the children.
7. When work is over, work is over.  Avoid getting sucked back into the office.  Instead, enjoy your family.  Sometimes we have to set boundaries with our clients/customers as well.
8. If you need complete quiet to get something done, consider going to the library.  It's rarely quiet at home.
9. Batch your tasks and assign them to a specific day.  Follow up phone calls on Mondays.  Writing or creating on Tuesdays.  Client work on Wednesdays and Thursdays.  Finances and Admin on Fridays.  Or whatever works for your business.
10. Take personal breaks when you are working.  Breaks for lunch, exercise or just plain relaxing can re-energize you and make you more productive.

P.S.  Do not try to work with the baby on your lap.  Most babies aren't this cooperative.  :0)

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Boys (and Girls)

When I was pregnant with my first child, I wanted a boy, and I had a boy.  When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I wanted a girl, and I had a boy.  Deep down, I believe God knew I would be a great mother to boys.  I was the perfect mix of boy and girl - emotionally sensitive, but athletic and competitive.  As human beings, we all have a combination of masculine and feminine traits.  What happens more often than not, however, is that one side of us gets squelched through socialization.  Girls are encouraged to "act like a lady" when the "boy" traits are showing up, and boys are taught to "be tough" or "act like a man" when the "girl" traits show up.

I didn't want to raise my boys like this.  I wanted them to know it was okay to feel emotions other than anger, and it was equally acceptable to express those emotions.  In a culture that judges boys who are sensitive, how do you raise emotionally intelligent boys?  Below are some tips that will help increase your child's emotional intelligence, and give them an advantage in creating emotionally healthy relationships as adults.

1. Start early and help your children name their feelings.  Get inside your child's shoes and imagine what they are feeling - fear, sadness, frustration, embarrassment, anger, etc.  Regardless of how they are choosing to express that particular emotion, use a simple phrase of acknowledgment that helps them identify what they are truly feeling.  Ex.  I bet you felt really embarrassed when your friend was making fun of you.
2. Avoid judging your child for the feelings they have.  I happen to have a boy who is extremely fearful of many things.  Instead of telling him he has nothing to be afraid of, I help him work through the fears.  I give him coping skills that help him to master fear.  When we judge or dismiss feelings, they only get buried.  Buried feelings will always resurface.  Give your child permission to feel whatever emotions he/she feels.
3. Teach your child to recognize feelings in other people.  Part of being emotionally intelligent is having the ability to sense another person's emotions, empathize with what they might be feeling, and express sensitivity to another human being.  Use books, movies, and live human interactions to discuss with your child what other people might be feeling.  Ask them why a particular person might be feeling the way he/she does.
4. Use various life contexts to educate your child about emotional intelligence.  As my teenager navigates the world of love relationships, I am constantly helping him to understand how women might feel in a particular situation.  There are so many emotional contexts that children are not familiar with or don't fully understand.  It is up to us to have conversations and equip them with the emotional tools they need to handle situations in an emotionally sensitive way.
5. Work on your own emotional intelligence.  Many adults struggle with understanding their own emotions and the emotions of others.  We all, at times, have difficulty being sensitive to other people, or expressing our emotions in a healthy way.  The more emotionally intelligent we become as parents, the healthier role models our children will have.

Introducing the Momnificent! Mom Club

Introducing the Momnificent! Mom Club ~ A Gem for Inspired Moms

by Heather McCutcheon

As our society trends towards becoming more evolved personally, professionally and spiritually, messages about pursuing these goals are popping up everywhere. What we haven’t seen are ongoing, user-friendly, affordable and livable means to accomplish them. Until now.

 

Lori Radun, author, life coach, keynote speaker and mom, has launched the Momnificent! Mom Club, a dynamic, multi-media program for busy moms to receive guided learning of important life skills. The Club is a progressive community that focuses on the continuous integration of healthy habits into daily life. Economical in its use of time, the Club is perfect for new moms, single  moms, working moms and veteran moms alike. 

 

Membership to the Club’s introductory level is free and includes live monthly teleclasses on topics ranging from time management and finances, to relationships and self-esteem. This “Topaz” level is perfect for newcomers to experience Radun’s wisdom and enthusiasm first-hand. Her followers will likely choose either the “Ruby” or “Emerald” level, where nominal monthly dues give them access to Group Coaching Calls, and online journaling and community networking platforms.

 

By far the most popular benefit of this Moms Club membership is the Monthly Action Plan. Members choose a track to pursue, either Momnificent! Life, Momnificent! Family or Momnificent! Biz, and receive an audio lesson and all the tools necessary to complete relevant exercises throughout the month. The Monthly Action Plan adds opportunity and accountability to incorporate the lessons learned into everyday life, and transforms “knowing” into “being.”

 

The combination of guided self-help, community support and personalized life coaching make the Mom Club unique. Convenience and affordability make it accessible to so many moms who might not otherwise pursue positive change in their lives.

 

Lori Radun isn’t just starting a club, she’s launching a movement, and busy moms will want to join in. Moms can find out more about Lori Radun and the Mom Club at the Momnificent! website, www.momnificent.com.

Gifts Everyone Appreciates

Yesterday my husband and I were talking about our Christmas list, and brainstorming ideas for Christmas gifts for everyone.  As I read through some of the names, I realized anything I bought for them would just be something they probably already have, or don't need.  I bet you have some people like that on your list.  I got to thinking about what gifts I could give that everyone appreciates and didn't clutter up the house with more "stuff".

Here are some ideas I came up with:

Donations to Charities:  The first thought that came to my mind was giving a donation in their honor to Feed My Starving Children or some other charity I know this person would align with.

Words of Affirmation:  My son Ian just received the best gift I have ever seen from his classmates for his 8th birthday.  He brought home a gigantic scroll that said "We like Ian because..."  Every child wrote down a reason they liked Ian.  When I read these words of affirmation back to Ian with joy and enthusiasm, he was grinning from ear to ear.  There was no doubt this gift filled his heart with pride for who he was.

Acts of Service:  What about giving coupons or gift certificates to people that entitle them to some act of service you know they would love.  This coupon entitles you to a weekend of relaxation - I will come and do all your weekend chores.  Or how about a promise to fix their favorite meal and dessert?

Gifts of Love:  Try offering someone genuine forgiveness, or unconditional love.  Give your loved one the gift of peace and quiet for a day.  Thanking someone for the great person she is, or for all she gives and does.  Promise someone you will truly listen without distractions.  Growing your character to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, attentive, gentle, faithful or reliable is one of the greatest gifts you could give someone.

Homemade Gifts:  I am a big advocate of thoughtful gifts.  Nothing speaks more to "thoughtfulness" than something you have taken time to make.  Whether it is a batch of cookies with a personalized note, a homemade Christmas ornament, or a personal poem, homemade gifts say "I care enough about you to spend time on you."  One of the gifts my husband often makes for people is personalized music CDs, with music that communicates a certain theme or specific message.

Inspiration:  One of my favorite websites is Simple Truths.  They have so many inspirational books, movies and pictures.  What person doesn't need positive messages on a regular basis they can read or listen to?

This holiday season, you don't have to wrack your brain or pick out another tie you know your loved one doesn't need.  Use your love and creativity to give a gift that will leave an impression.

A Superstar for a Day

This past Monday, I had the privilege of experiencing a once in a lifetime opportunity.  A few months ago, a magazine called "Best You" was looking for women who took on a new sport after the age of 40.  As I read through the media inquiry, I thought to myself, "hey, I started Tae Kwon Do when I was 44".

So for the fun of it, I submitted my story along with the required pictures, and was quite shocked when I found out they had selected me for the magazine.  For one day, I got to pretend I was a superstar.  A makeup artist showed up at my house at 8:30 in the morning.  The only other time I can remember having my makeup done for me is when I got married.  About 30 minutes later, an entire photography crew came; not just one photographer, but three.

After being completely made up, face and hair, we trekked over to the dojang (Tae Kwon Do studio) to begin the photo shoot.  I have never seem so many lights and photography equipment in my entire life.  So for the next 2 hours, I kicked, yelled, punched and played with my son in front of the camera.  I wish I could share some of the photos with you because Tamara Reynolds, the photographer, was amazing.  Candace, the makeup artist, kept teasing me by saying "How does it feel to have people?"  I guess that's how it feels for the movie stars.  It was definitely fun, but I can't say I would enjoy doing that everyday of my life.

Here are a few pictures my hubby took from home:

Before the Makeup

Candace, the makeup artist (she was airbrushing on makeup)

Ian and Tamara Reynolds, the photographer

The Three Skills Every Child Needs for Good Behavior

Good Behavior is not “Magic”—It’s a Skill

by James Lehman, MSW

When you have a child who acts out and is disrespectful or disruptive, it’s easy to compare him to the so-called “good kids” who never seem to get into trouble or give their parents grief. Many people feel hopeless about the possibility of ever teaching their child to “magically” become the kind of well-behaved member of the family they envisioned before they had him.

It’s actually the learning process associated with consequences that changes the behavior.

The truth is that good behavior isn’t magic—you can’t just wave a wand and turn your child into who you want him to be. Rather, good behavior is a skill that can be learned, just like carpentry, teaching or nursing. I believe three of the most important skills for children to learn as a foundation for good behavior are: how to read social situations, how to manage emotions, and how to solve problems appropriately. If your child can learn to master these three tasks with your help, he will be well on his way to functioning successfully as an adult.

Skill #1: Reading Social Situations
The ability to read social situations is important because it helps your child avoid trouble and teaches him how to get along with others. If he can walk into a classroom, lunchroom, playground or a dance, read what’s going on there, and then decide how he's going to interact in that environment in an appropriate way, he's already halfway there. So if your child sees a bunch of kids who usually tease and bully others, the skill of reading social situations will help him stay away from that group, rather than gravitate toward it.

Parents can help their kids develop these skills by getting them to read the looks on people's faces at the mall or a restaurant, for example. If your child can learn to see who looks angry, frustrated or bored, two things will happen: the first is that he will be able to identify how people might be feeling. Secondly, he'll learn that he should try to identify other people's emotions. Both are integral in learning how to read social situations.

Skill #2: Managing Emotions:
It’s critical for your child to learn how to manage his emotions appropriately as he matures. Managing your emotions means that it’s not OK to punch a hole in the wall because you’re angry; it’s not OK to curse at your dad because he took your iPod away. Children need to learn that just because they feel bad or angry, it does not give them the right to hurt others.

Ask the Right Questions

If your child calls his little sister a nasty name, it’s your job to first sit down and ask, “What did you see going on that you thought you needed to do that?” Not, “How did you feel?” but “What was going on?” You’ll find that usually this type of behavior is generally self-centered. Perhaps your child’s little sister is getting more attention or she’s watching a show and he wants the TV, or she’s playing with the video games and he wants to play them. When your child does not know how to deal with that situation and he becomes nasty or abusive, it’s time for you to step in and put a stop to it. And I think you should very clearly state, “Just because you’re angry, it doesn’t give you the right to call your sister a nasty name.” That’s an important, direct way of teaching the skill of managing emotions.

What Giving Consequences Does (and Doesn’t) Accomplish

I believe that consequences are part of accountability. In other words, your child should know that if the inappropriate behavior happens again, he will be held accountable. Saying that, I don’t think people change simply because they’re punished or are given consequences. Although parents often focus on them, consequences alone are not enough. Rather, it’s the learning process associated with the consequences that changes a child’s behavior. So it’s the part of your child’s thinking process that says, “Next time I’m upset, if I call Sarah a name, I'm going to be punished. Instead, I can just go to my room and cool down.”

Here's the truth: you can punish kids until the cows come home, but it’s not going to change their behavior. That’s because the problem is actually not the behavior—the problem lies in the way kids think. This faulty thinking then gets externalized into how they behave. If you punish them for the behavior and neglect to challenge the way they think about the problem—or discuss what their options are for dealing with that problem effectively in the future—then really, what are you doing? You’re punishing your child, but he hasn’t learned anything and he’s not going to do anything differently. In fact, he’s probably just going to do it again when you’re not looking.

“What Will You Do Differently Next Time?”

I think it’s very important that you talk to your child about what he can do differently the next time he feels angry or frustrated. This tool is something I developed as part of The Total Transformation Program, and it’s an important way to focus on changing your child’s behavior. When you use this technique, it encourages your child to come up with other things he or she might do instead of using ineffective behavior. By the way, when you have this talk with your child, it should be a pretty businesslike conversation—it’s not all smiley and touchy feely; it shouldn’t be abusive or negative, either. Stick to the facts and ask, “What can you do differently next time?”

Skill #3: Teach Problem Solving Skills

There’s No Such Thing as “Good Kids” and “Bad Kids”

I believe that the kids who are labeled “good” are children who know how to solve their problems and manage their behavior and social life, and the kids who are labeled “bad” are kids who don’t know how to solve those problems. A child is often labeled “the bad kid” when he’s developed ineffective actions to solve the problems that other kids solve appropriately. So this child may turn to responses that are disrespectful, destructive, abusive, and physically violent. In my opinion, there’s no such thing as good kids or bad kids, there are simply kids who have learned effective ways of solving life’s problems, and kids who have not.

As they develop, children have to continually adjust their problem-solving skills and learn new ones. For instance, for a three year old, being told “no” is the biggest problem in her life. She stomps her feet, she throws a tantrum. Eventually, she has to learn to deal with that problem and manage the feelings associated with it. And so those tasks continue for five-year-olds who have to deal with the first day of school and for nine-year-olds who have to change in gym. They continue for 12- and 13-year-olds when they’re at middle school, which is a much more chaotic environment than they have ever faced before.

I've devoted much of my career to dealing with kids who behaved inappropriately, all the way from kids who were withdrawn and depressed to kids who were aggressive and acted out physically. I believe a very key element in helping children change their behavior is for parents to learn techniques where they help their child identify the problem they’re facing. Together, you look at how to solve problems and come up with other solutions. So talk to your child about the problem at hand and how to solve it—not just about the emotion your child is feeling.

In the end, there is no magic solution to good behavior. The secret is really in teaching kids how to solve problems; good behavior is simply one of the fruits on that problem-solving tree. Your goal as a parent is to give your child the tools to learn good behavior. It’s never too late to get these tools, but know this: if your child can’t read a situation in the ninth grade and doesn’t know how to respond, reacts by getting aggressive, and then gets into trouble, how do you think they are going to handle it when they’re an adult and their boss tells them something they don’t want to hear? That’s why it’s important for you as parent not to “wish away” the bad behavior and to start teaching your child the skills he needs to change his behavior for good.

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Good Behavior is not “Magic”—It’s a Skill The Three Skills Every Child Needs for Good Behavior reprinted with permission from Empowering Parents. For more information, visit www.empoweringparents.com

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James Lehman is a behavioral therapist and the creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents. He has worked with troubled teens and children for three decades. James holds a Masters Degree in Social Work from Boston University. For more information, visit www.thetotaltransformation.com.

13 Skills Learned in the Profession of Motherhood

Is motherhood really a profession?  Well, if you look at a list of professions, you probably won't find it on the list, but I'm not sure why.  If you think about it, many of the same skills you need on the job are necessary in the profession of motherhood.  What we get paid $30,000 to $100,000 a year at work, we are paid nothing at home.  But really, what's more important?  Building a company or raising the next generation?

Take a look at these valuable skills you are learning, and thank your family for the wonderful and free education you are receiving.  :0)

1.  Being a Leader:  Leadership is the ability to inspire yourself and other people to take positive action in life.  Homework, chores and grooming our bodies are all positive actions we motivate our children to take.

2.  Creating a Vision for the Future:  What is the mission for your family?  What impact will your family have on the world at large?  These are good questions to consider for your organization.

3.  Managing a Team of People:  It's rarely easy getting everyone on the same page.  Balancing the needs of mom, dad, children, caregivers, friends, family, coaches, music instructors and teachers requires effective management skills.

4.  Motivating People to Take Action:  I feel like I do this in all my waking hours.  I mean, really, how many of us love to do housework, or better yet, have husbands that love to chip in and clean house?

5.  Problem Solving:  Ever have any problems in your family?  :0)  Moms are always in problem solving mode.  How are we going to whip up dinner when grocery shopping is long overdue? 

6.  Making Important Decisions:  There are not many things more important than making the "best" choices for our children.  Who should help take care of our children?  What kind of role models do we want to be for our children?

7.  Counseling:  Sometimes we have to put our conseling hat on and wipe away some crocodile tears.  Other times we have to listen without judgment to what is going on in our child's world.  Always, we have to offer love and compassion.

8.  Conflict Resolution:  Can we say "sibling disputes"?  This is one of the most important skills we can teach our children.  How best to practice than with our own marital conflicts?

9.  Good Customer Service:  Do you have any demanding customers in your family?  How about some picky customers?  Most family customers want food when they are hungry, and attention when they are bored.

10.  Organizing and Prioritizing Multiple Responsibilities:  Moms wear multiple hats...counselors, professional organizers, chefs, wives, doctors, chauffers, housekeepers, dish washers, body washers, teachers, role models, friends, volunteers and yes, even employees.

11.  Making Efficient Use of Time:  How can we eat, take a bath and get ready for bed in 30 minutes or less?  How do we fit all of our competing priorities in the span of 24 hours?  Time management is a skill moms practice constantly.

12.  Develop Efficient Systems:  Anything that makes family life run smoother probably has an efficient system behind it.  And guess who created it?  Did you say Mom?

13.  Working with Financial Constraints:  Organizations are not the only groups operating on a budget.  So are families, and often times much tighter ones.  It takes creativity to meet the financial needs of a growing family.

So, what do you think?  Should motherhood be declared a "real" profession?

Tell Me Who's Your Friend...I'll Tell You Who You Are

Your personal and business success hinges on the people with whom you share your time.  With the right support you'll be energised, encouraged and empowered...your business will thrive.  Without it...your business will barely survive.  

To be successful, you must surround yourself with successful people, and that includes friends and family.  So as you gear up for the festive season, it's important to consider how much influence your best friend, partner, sister, mother or personal trainer has on the success of your business.  

It's recognised that we are the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time.  

I'll explain this further by way of 3 phenomena.

The Magnet Effect

We are magnets drawing together like-minded people.  And the people you attract have a huge effect on the beliefs and ideas that you have about yourself.

When you are confident about your success, vision and life purpose, you attract those people who radiate similar beliefs.  These people then become a powerful force that will propel you forward.  

Conversely, if you spend time with negative victims who gossip about others...this paints a picture of who You are.

Ask yourself, who am I drawing into my life?  They could be people you know or people you hire, your coach, your mentor, your strategist, your outsource professionals.  Am I moving towards the people who are where I want to be?
    
The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect is a scientific phenomena coined by Edward Lorenz. The concept explains that a butterfly, flapping its wings in South America can affect the weather in Central Park. The actual definition is:

"A small variation of an initial condition may produce a large

variation, in the longer term of a system."

While you cannot change another's behaviour, you can change yours.

So when you do something small, for example, when you decide that you're too busy to listen to time wasting jokes and you ask everybody to, "Please stop sending them to me."  You're taking charge of your life.  You're telling the world that your time is important.  And you're asking others to respect your time.  You are making a small, but powerful decision that changes your life. 

And with those changes unsupportive people and things are organically culled.

The Mozart Effect

The Mozart Effect is a phenomena described by French researcher Alfred Tomatis which states that listening to certain types of music; in particular, Mozart, brings about healing and developmental properties.

The transformational powers of music affect your health, education and well-being. Subliminally your life is affected by the music you listen to AND the people you listen to.  You need to ask...is this the music I want to hear?  Is it supporting my well-being and transforming my life?

The people that you draw into your life, the small actions you take and the music that you listen to have a HUGE affect on your physical and mental well-being as well as the well-being of your business.

So I ask...with whom will you choose to share your time this Festive Season?
 
Internationally acclaimed, Success Coach, Mumpreneur, Speaker and Writer Tania Usher is dedicated to creating freedom for Entrepreneurs globally through the power of Building Brilliant Businesses^(TM). To learn how to create an extraordinary life now, register for her free weekly articles at www.TaniaUsherInternational.com

Who You Are Makes a Difference

In this season of gratitude, don't forget to let everyone know they make a difference to you.  You, readers of my blog, make a difference to me and many other people.  Let's spread the blue ribbon!

Blue Ribbon Movie

My College Student's First Visit Home

It was 2:00 in the morning, and I heard the garage door open.  Reminded me of old times.  Tiptoeing out of my bedroom, I walked half way down the stairs.  Peeking over the banister into the hallway, there he stood with a big grin on his face.  His first words to me were "I knew you would wake up."

I gave my college student a big hug.  I am very happy he is home.  He looks at me and you could tell things had changed.  He said "Your hair is getting long, and it's black!"  He walked around the house, looking at everything.  He opened the refrigerator, opened the food cabinet, just to make sure home was still home.

A lot has changed in the 3 months he has been gone.  There are two new cars in the garage, and there is new family room furniture.  But I think what has changed the most is that my son has grown up.  It brings tears to my eyes, but it's true.  I asked him, "How does it feel to be home?"  He said "Good but weird."  Life as Kai knows it has been college.  His new home is his dorm room.  He lives in Columbia, Missouri, not Aurora, Illinois.

I still think that there is magic in our childhood home though.  Even though some things have changed, I wanted Kai to experience the familiarity of home - those things that made home what it once was.  We spent the day cleaning the house, and decorating it for Christmas.  What he walked home to was comfort and beauty, love and family - the wonderful things that make home special.

Everyone is excited to see Kai.  His best friend is sleeping in our guest room right now - home from University of Illinois.  His girlfriend is ecstatic and will drink in the time she has with him for the next week.  Kai's other friends wait in line to spend some time with him.  Kai, for one week, will be reunited with the memories of his former life - life before college.

I know Kai will be leaving again soon so I want to cherish every moment I have with him.  I have to navigate my way through the transition Kai is going through.  This "weird" feeling he has means he is creating a life for himself as an adult.  For three months, he has had no supervision.  He has made all decisions on his own.  He has taken care of his own laundry, made sure he was fed, decided when he goes to bed, whether or not he does homework, and who he spends his time with.

I'm still his mom, and to me, he is still my first born son, whom I adore with all my heart.  I went out this morning to buy Dunkin Donuts for the family because I knew he would love it when he finally wakes up.  I know I have to share him with all of his friends, but I want to make sure Kai knows, when he goes back to college next weekend, that home will always be home.