The Momnificent™ Blog

10 Certifications a Babysitter Might Have, and Why It Matters

Last week I was talking with a client about the importance of getting regular exercise in her life.  She herself really wanted to be working out on a consistent basis, but there was something holding her back. She was a member of Lifetime Fitness, and could easily take her three year old to the fitness club with her, but she felt uneasy about the babysitter that was watching the children in their childcare facility.

Now I won't go into details about what was making her feel uncomfortable, but it isn't unusual for a mother to have reservations about who she leaves her children with.  In this day and age, we have to be more careful and selective about who we choose to care for our children.

Let me give you an example.  This past weekend my husband and son went to a pool party.  My son Ian, who is nine years old, was sitting inside an inner tube in the pool.  My husband was sitting outside the pool talking to friends.  Somehow, Ian flipped over and was trapped underneath the inner tube, and could not get his head or body above the water.  He was panicking and trying to call for help under water.  He was swallowing water... essentially, he was beginning to drown.  Thankfully, my husband happened to notice what was going on and jumped in to help him.  Imagine if that were your babysitter at the pool with your kids.  It might be helpful to have a lifeguard certification.

Ken from NannyPro.com shares with us 10 certifications that a babysitter might have, and why these might be helpful.

Momnificent! Debuts on Television for the First Time Ever!

Momnificent! is on TV tonight, September 15, 2011!

For the first time ever, Lori Radun, founder of Momnificent!, appears on television tonight!  Watch as mom coach Lori Radun shows moms how to create momnificence in all areas of their lives.  Through authenticity, growth, harmony, freedom and inspiration, women can be empowered to live the lives they've always wanted to.

This is a show you will not want to miss!  Airing on BYUtv's Fresh Take, Lori will be doing a Momnificent! makeover for Heather, a beautiful mom of four children.  She will show Heather, who is exhausted from taking care of everyone else, how making her life a priority will not only bring joy to her, but to her family and her entire community.

The 30 minute episode will air at 5:30 PM MST, 6:30 PM CST, 4:30 PM PST, and 7:30 PM EST.

Check your local cable channel guide for BYUtv

The Challenges and Wishes of Moms

 

I am incredibly grateful to all the moms who filled out the survey I requested last week!  Over 100 moms have responded, and more responses continue to come in!  I cannot even begin to share the amazing individual responses I received to the challenges you encounter, and the wishes you have, but I want to say that you are definitely not alone!  I thank you for your vulnerability and your willingness to be so honest with me, and these responses will be used to write very specific blog post articles on my new website that will be launching very soon!  When I say very soon, I would like to say hopefully the first week of September!  I and my team of designers and web developers are working very hard to get the new website ready for you.  I am positive you are going to love it because you have helped make this new site what it is!

So let me share with you the results of the survey that I can share...

I asked moms to please rank the top 5 greatest challenges in raising their children, with #1 being their greatest challenge.  Here are the results, with the most challenging listed first and the least challenging listed last.

#1  Embarrassing behaviors like whining, temper tantrums, won't listen, argues, or talks back

#2  Dealing with your child's anger

#3  Power Struggles

#4  Getting your children to do chores

#5  Sibling Rivalry

#6  Understanding and Managing their different personalities

#7  Homework Battles

#8  Problems with peers

I asked moms to rank the top 5 things they wish they had with they children, with #1 being the most important to them.  Here are the results, with #1 being what they wish for most, and #7 what they wish for least.

#1  I wish I had more patience with my children.

#2  I wish my children would listen to me.

#3  I wish I had more quality time to spend with my children.

#4  I wish my child had a better attitude.

#5  I wish my child had more motivation.

#6  I wish my child was more responsible.

#7  I wish I had a better connection with my child.

I will give you a big hint!  With the launch of our new website, your greatest wish moms is going to come true!  I can't wait to show you how!

Is Fear Robbing your Child of His Joy in Life?

Did you know that "the estimated prevalence of anxiety disorders in children ages 9-17 is 13%"(www.healthcentral.com)?  This figure doesn't even account for children under the age of 9.  All children and adults experience fear.  It is built into our bodies to warn us of impending danger.  But sometimes our imaginations can go above and beyond to protect us, causing the fear to intensify and sometimes be debilitating.

Think for just a moment to when you were a child.  What things seemed scary to you?

Talking to strangers, bugs, riding a two wheeler, going down the slide for the first time, learning to swim, catching a hard ball, talking in front of a group, monsters, the dark, sleeping in your own bed, being kidnapped, dogs, loud noises, lightning, thunder, tornadoes, getting in trouble, your teacher, bullies, yucky foods, calling someone on the phone, scary people, Halloween costumes, the list goes on and on...

I remember a time when I was around 4 or 5, and I was visiting my grandmother.  Evidently she had a sister that just came home from the hospital after having brain surgery.  She came to my grandmother's house with her head all wrapped up in bandages.  I was petrified of this lady.  I left the house and went to the playground, and wouldn't come back in until she left my grandma's house.

As a parent, we have a dilemma when our children are experiencing fear on a level that is affecting their lives.  It is actually a very delicate issue.  To our child, her fear is very real.  Even though we don't see the danger, and we can assure our child that he or she is safe, our child in that moment does not feel safe. However, we also know that in order for our child's self esteem to grow and develop, she must overcome this fear and prove to herself that she can accomplish the task in front of her.

I'll give you a real example from my own life.  My son Ian, who is currently 9 years old, is extremely afraid of learning how to ride his bike.  We believe he must have some serious sensory issues regarding balance or something because everytime we try, he becomes extremely agitated, gets off the bike right away and says "I'm not going to do this".  No incentive or consequence motivates him.  The fear is deeply ingrained.

Take another example of a child who is deeply afraid of the water.  Anytime you put her in the water, she screams hysterically.  Her parents want her to learn how to swim because they feel it is an important life skill.  Or maybe your child is deathly afraid of talking to new people, and this is prohibiting him from making friends.

Here are a few tips you can use to help your child work through and overcome his or her fears:

1.  Avoid getting frustrated by your child's fears.  I know this can be hard sometimes, but if you feel yourself getting emotional, take a little break to calm yourself down.  Your frustrations will only fuel your child's anxiety.

2. Never throw your child head first into his fear thinking this will help him get over it fast.  This is like throwing someone that has a snake phobia into a snake pit.  The fear will only intensify.

3. Take some time to talk through the fear.  Find out what kind of thoughts your child is having.  Help your child talk about everything she thinks about relating to that fear.  Ask her questions like "So what do you think will happen?" "And if that happened, what would you do?"  "What else are you afraid of?"

4. Acknowledge and validate all her thoughts and emotions.  Let her know it is perfectly okay to think and feel the way she does.

5.  Then help her come up with more empowering ways of thinking about her fear.  How else could she see the situation, object, activity in a more positive way that did not invoke fear?  Again, you are only helping her think differently at this time.  Let her come up with as many of the ideas as she can, but you can help.

6. Together come up with a plan to slowly expose your child to his/her fear a little bit at a time:

Examples:

Separation anxiety:  Mommy leaves for 3 minutes while Joey looks at a picture of Mommy

Fear of water:  Mommy and Chloe sit on the side of the pool for 2 minutes with their feet in the water

Fear of new people:  Mommy and David walk up to a new kid on the playground together and Mom says "Hi, this is David".

Fear of riding bike:  Mommy and Ian sit on a tandem bike for 3 minutes and mom holds the balance

7. Talk about how that felt to take that little step 

8. Plan a new step that is just a little bit bigger than the last step.

9. Slowly build up from there, and celebrate the progress you make along the way.

10. If the fear is so intense that you can't make any progress, seek professional help.

 

What is your child afraid of, and how do you help him/her overcome the fear?

Are you Raising a Consumer or a Producer, and Why it Matters?

Have you ever thought about whether you are raising a consumer or a producer?  I never had either until I was talking to Mark Boersma, president and CEO of Synergy Solutions, and father of 7 wonderful children, many of which are already young entrepreneurs.

"The consumer, so it is said, is the king ... each is a voter who uses his money as votes to get the things done that he wants done" [Paul A. Samuelson Economics]

"Every man is a consumer, and ought to be a producer ... He is by constitution expensive, and needs to be rich" [Ralph Waldo Emerson Wealth]

A consumer is simply a person who acquires good or services for his or her own personal needs; someone that consumes.  Whereas, a producer is a person that produces goods or services for sale; a person that produces.  It's not hard to figure out, in a society, that we want to raise producers.  Although we are all consumers, if we remain strictly consumers, we won't last very long in this world as adults.  Sooner or later, we must produce.  And in this day and age, we must produce at a pretty high level.

I just spent the last four days at a Tony Robbins conference.  Most of us know that Tony is one of the leading personal development and business experts in the world!  Something he said really stood out for me because I think it is very true.  And it will be even more true when your kids and my kids are entering the workplace.  He said, today's standards are much higher.  People expect much more, and if you don't produce, you are going to be very disappointed with your rewards or results.  For instance:

If you produce Poor Work              Your Rewards are Nothing (you are gone)

If you produce Good Work             Your Rewards are Poor  (you might be gone too)

If you produce Excellent Work        Your Rewards are Good

If you produce Outstanding Work    Your Rewards are Excellent

So now that we know the difference between a consumer and a producer, and why it matters, consider the following scenarios.  Are these children more of a consumer or a producer?

• Two year old Johnny's mommy asks him to pick up his blocks and put them in the bucket, and he does that while his mom makes lunch.
• Three old Allison gets out her puzzles and dumps them on the floor, then decides to play with her play food and dishes, gets bored with that and pulls out a bunch of books to look at.  Then she runs off to watch her favorite show on TV.
• Nine year old Jayden runs downstairs in the morning before school, and sits at the breakfast table, waiting for his mom to make his breakfast.
• Eight year old Maria gets out of bed, gets dressed, fixes herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and makes her lunch for school.
• Fifteen year old Josh sits and plays his favorite video game on a Saturday afternoon while his Dad is outside mowing the lawn.
• Sixteen year old Jacob started his own landscaping business when he was 14, and now has many satisfied customers he takes care of every year.

Here are 10 ways that you can start raising a producer:

1. Start your children with chores at a young age.
2. Teach your children to be wealth conscious and health conscious.
3. Don't do for your children what they are capable of doing for themselves.
4. Get your children involved in volunteering.
5. Avoid giving an overabundance of material items.
6. Show them how to make their own money.
7. Enroll your children in leadership programs.
8. Encourage your child to overcome his/her fears.
9. Set and communicate your expectations.
10. Give your children the skill set needed to succeed. 

So what do you think?  Does our society need more consumers or producers?  What do you do to prepare your children for the future?  Chime in.

 

Dear God, Our Dog Abby Died

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so, and she dictated these words: 

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. 
I hope you will play with her. She likes to swim and play with balls. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note: 

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.  I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love. 

Love, God

 

Soybeans and Chopsticks Build Patience

Last weekend, I had an interesting opportunity to participate in part of my school's Taekwondo Survival Camp. Taekwondo develops not only the body, but our mind and spirit as well.  At 8:00 PM, we were instructed to get ready for meditation.  I thought to myself, I came at a good time.  I missed a lot of the rigorous work others had to do earlier.

As we sat in meditation position, eyes closed, the music began.  I said one thing to God.  My words were "Lord, speak to me.  Tell me what it is you want me to hear."  And that is all I said.  I sat for a few moments thinking we were just going to sit and meditate.  But our Grand Master had a different idea for meditation for us this evening.

He handed all of us two white paper plates, one with a small tealight candle.  Another Taekwondo Master went around the room filling one of our plates with dried soybeans while Master Lee handed us a pair of chopsticks.  Looking at my plate full of soybeans, I was curious what we were going to do with these chopsticks, especially since I did not know how to use chopsticks.

Master Lee gave us very quick instructions on how to use chopsticks to pick up food, and then told us that we had 20 minutes to transfer the dried soybeans from one plate to the other using the chopsticks, one soybean at a time.  As I put the chopsticks in my hand, I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing and I couldn't even begin to pick up a single bean.  One of my other Masters tried to show me how to use the chopsticks, but my perfectionism was getting in the way.  Grand Master Lee interrupted and said "Do not show her, this is her mission!"

I was on my own, and the clock was ticking.  The lights went out, leaving us with our plate of dried soybeans, our chopsticks, and our tealight candle to see.  I looked at the little boy next to me, who looked to be about 9 years old.  He wasn't using the chopsticks the proper way, but maybe I could learn from him. So I put the chopsticks in my hand the way he was holding his, and I struggled to pick up a bean.  I kept trying, and eventually I got the hang of it.  One by one, I slowly transferred the beans to the other plate.

After transferring about 20 beans, I must have lost momentary control of my mind.  Because I had a vision of taking my plate of beans and whipping it across the room.  So I took a deep breath and went back to transferring my beans.  As I sat quietly in the monotony of the task, I heard a voice.  It wasn't my voice.  It wasn't a voice from the dojang.  It was a voice that came out of nowhere.  It said "Slow Down.  Wait for Me."  And then I remembered I had asked God to speak to me and tell me what He wanted me to hear.

From that moment, I began to think about where in my life did I need to slow down?  Where was I not being patient?  I slowed down and I began to take delight in transferring the beans from one plate to the other.  I asked myself, what's the rush?  This exercise is designed to build focus and patience.  If I truly allow it, picking up dried soybeans with chopsticks is relaxing.  It is only when we fight with our mind and our bodies does the exercise become challenging and tiring.

So the next time you want to unwind your family from a long week, and teach them focus and patience at the same time, I challenge you to practice this exercise of transferring dried soybeans with chopsticks from one plate to another.  Turn off the lights, light the candles, and put on some meditation music.  Your family may think you've lost your mind, but they also might be nice and relaxed at the end of that experience.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

But words will never hurt me.  I remember chanting this saying in middle school when I felt defenseless against all the cutting remarks made by thoughtless pre-teens.  I don’t know who made up that chant, but nothing could be further from the truth.  The other day while watching a powerful video clip called “Who You Are Makes a Difference”, I read some startling statistics.  Did you know that “the average child hears 432 negative statements per day to only 32 positive statements?”  And “80% of people are hurt by words.  Research shows that only about 20% of children and adults are able to handle put downs without emotional pain or psychological damage.”

Our words and tone of voice are powerful.  We can use them to build people up or tear people down.  Sometimes we don’t mean to hurt other people with our words.  I remember when I was a little girl, and my aunt and uncle were teasing me about something.  I must have reacted in a defensive way because I clearly remember four words they said to me.  “You are too sensitive.”  Isn’t it funny how four little words still play back in my mind over 30 years later?  Do you think my aunt and uncle thought they would have such an impact on me when they spoke those words?

At the same time, we can use our words to make a complete difference in a person’s life.  Some time back, I was reading a new book I had purchased.  I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that this book had been written, and so impressed with the author’s knowledge that I decided to write to her.  I researched her company online, found the contact form, and sent a heartfelt message of appreciation to the author.  I wasn’t sure the message would even reach the author.  To my surprise, the next day the author wrote to me.  She said “Thank you so much for your kind words.  You made my day today!”

This week pay attention to any negative or cutting words you or anyone else makes in the family.  Stop and require an apology and replace those words with three positive comments.  Even if someone cuts himself or herself down, the same rule applies.  Watch how your family is transformed.

 

How Much Are You Worth?

This past weekend I spent a lot of time in the Jacksonville airport, which wasn't all bad.  I do admit after six hours in the airport, I was quite ready to leave.  However, one of my highlights of sitting in that airport was listening to a jazz saxophone player by the name of Aaron Bing.  I probably could have sat there listening to him all day, only problem was he wasn't always playing.

So on one of his breaks I wandered up to his table to check him out.  He had two separate CDs of his music you could purchase.  If you bought one, it was $20.  If you bought two, they were $30.

Now one set of buyers would probably think...$20!! That is expensive!  Since when does a CD these days cost $20.  I can get Beyonce on Amazon for $12.42.  Who does this cat think he is?  Kenny G!  Another set of buyers would not blink an eye.  They would hear the quality of his music and if they were jazz lovers, they would be wooed by Aaron Bing's talent.  These buyers would whip out a $20 bill in a heartbeat, just so they could take those melodies with them.

But what is most important is how much does Aaron Bing think he is worth?  He obviously believes his music is worth $20 per CD, and he is not afraid to price it at that level.

 

As business owners pricing our goods and services, or as employees putting a price on our skills, experience and education, we need to be able to answer the question:

How Much Are You Worth?

What you truly believe in your heart about what you are worth is likely what you will be paid.  Even if your head says you are worth $100,000, but in your heart, you don't really believe you are worth much past $50,000, it will be difficult for you to attract much more than $50,000.

It may seem difficult to put a price on such things as skills, talents, services, etc.  But this is where it is helpful to know your market and competition.  There is almost always a range.  For instance, if you are a small business coach and you know the average price for a business coach is $200-$300 per hour, where do you fall?  What kind of results do you produce for your clients?  How does your system compare to that of other business coaches?  What is your confidence level?  If you know what the going rate is, why would you charge $150 per hour?

Let's look at another example.  Let's say you are an executive assistant.  You've done your research and you know the average salary range is $40,000 to $62,000 per year.  How many years of experience do you have as an executive assistant?  What is your track record with executives?  Are they happy with your work?  What unique skills do you bring to your job?  What are you especially good at?  So are you being paid what you are worth?

Even in this tough economy, we cannot forget how much we are worth.  There are still ways to build value into our offerings, or ask for things that are beneficial to us other than money.  If you do not hold yourself, your goods, your skills, or your services as valuable, no one will do it for you.

Processing Life Changing Events

One of my clients just emailed me today.  She had just put in her resignation this week at a company she has worked at for 20 years.  We have been working on getting her to a place of resolution about this decision, and I think she was really hoping she would feel a sense of relief, hope and freedom with the final resignation. But instead she was still feeling some of the old feelings of fear, insecurity and doubt.

I emailed my courageous client back and reminded her that processing life changing events doesn't happen overnight.  I reassured her what she already knew - that she was making the right decision for herself and her family, and that she had everything that she needed inside herself to create whatever she needed and wanted for her future.

Whether we choose a life changing event for ourselves, or the event happens to us without our permission, we cannot expect to go through it without mixed emotions.  I will never forget the day my ex-husband walked out on our family.  I was in our bedroom when I heard the front door close, and I slid down the wall bursting in tears.  Within 10 minutes, I remember feeling liberated and happy to be free from the pain I was in as a result of our marriage.  These mixed emotions came and went for many months following the divorce.

Here are some tips you can use if you are going through a life changing event right now:

1. Welcome all the so called "negative" emotions associated with this event (anger, sadness, guilt, fear, worry, anxiety).  Allow yourself to feel those emotions in your heart. 
2. Welcome any desire to change, control or fix these emotions.  They are all normal and don't need to be fixed.
3. Welcome any notion that these emotions are personal or part of your identity.  Your emotions are not you.  They are just emotions.
4. Then let all these emotions go.  Repeat this releasing process whenever these emotions resurface.
5. Keep moving forward and do not let your emotions fool you into staying stuck.  Taking action keeps you moving.
6. Look for the gifts in the pain.  No life changing event, no matter how bad is may seem on the surface is without gifts.
7. Acknowledge the opportunity for growth that is available to you through the process of this life changing event.  You can take it and become a better person, or lose it and become a bitter person.  The choice is always yours.

 

Tips 1-4 were learned from a movie I watched called "Letting Go".