Q. How does a person overcome the fear of rejection with respect to friendships, work relations and dating?
A. Facing our fears of rejection can be quite scary. I think we all have encountered those feelings before, at one time or another. I think if we had gone through life without ever being rejected, in some way, by another human being, it would be a miracle.
A fear of rejection is learned. We don't come into this world afraid that our caretakers will reject us. Somewhere along the way in our lives, someone rejects us...maybe once, maybe more often than that. Rejection can come with so many faces - abuse, judgment, emotional unavailability and sometimes outright rejection. The moment we are stung by rejection, a belief begins to form in our minds. We begin to question whether or not human beings are safe. That belief about the safety of exposing ourselves to another human being gets reinforced depending on the experiences in our lives. If we are rejected over and over, in our eyes, the belief is strengthened and eventually we withdraw or, or at the very least, become skeptical and hesitant.
Overcoming rejection requires us to heal our past, and let go of the experiences in our lives that caused us to feel rejected. In addition, we must begin to form new beliefs in our mind that not all human beings are rejecting. As we heal our own lives, we become emotionally healthier and will attract emotionally healthy people that can accept us and love us for who we are. The healthier we are, the healthier our relationships will be.
Facing our fears also requires us to take some action in our lives. If we wait until we have no fear before we reach out to form a new friendship or go out on a date, we could be waiting a long time. Take baby steps forward in spite of the fear you feel. Remind yourself that fear is often an illusion, being played out in our minds. We often imagine a situation to be much worse than it really turns out to be. As you begin to take action and test out the waters, you will find that your fear will begin to dissipate. The more we practice a new skill, the better we become, and the more confident we will feel.
Start a conversation with someone you don't know, or sign up for a class where you have the opportunity to meet new people. Say yes to a date if someone asks you, or have the courage to sign up for a dating service. Begin by communicating by email, move on to talking on the phone, and eventually meet someone in person. With each successful step you take, you will feel more courage to take bigger steps. Celebrate the steps you take and have grace and compassion for yourself as you work to face these fears.
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